March1 2022
What's a boy to do?
Hit the road with a dollar or two
Haunted by what he knows he can't do
Gets it off his chest
'Cause there ain't no glory in the west
Burnin' on ahead, blazing through it
Running blind again
Nowhere left to go, goin's all we know
Ridin' past the best
And there's still no rest
This feels unnatural. Forced. Like a blind double date with a trusted friend and his girlfriend. Well not blind. I saw her Instagram. How real is that though? 8s to 5s. She’s a babe online but a “you’re great at editing pictures” when I actually see her. Yeah, forced. Cute, under the circumstances but outside this it’s nothing but a 5’6” dead end. That’s what this article feels like. I even worked out to get the juices flowing. Maybe I should breath deeper. Or drink more water? or sleep better? Fuck where’s my twitter guru when I need him.
What I really need is to go for a drive. Speed. I always have good thoughts here. It’s not from the adrenaline. I’ve realized this. It’s from not being able to put thought to paper. Like a ‘forbidden fruit’ paradigm. Good thoughts come, but I can’t write them, this makes them seem better. My tape recorder works perfect here. Monologues with window down air acting as background music.
Am I slave to what my eyes see? ears hears? fingers touch? If so it’s my duty to make it spicy, yeah? Monotony routine boredom are Cardinal sins up there with Mouth Breathing. I would rather watch someone murder than mouth breath.
(In response to my attorneys request I have to say the above statement is satire. Not to be taken as truth.)
I like to imagine I have rich inner world.
Unfortunately, I don’t know. Seems too much ‘extrovertism’ (to reduce it to that binary approach) in me to really believe this. I imagine inside the heads of people like Rowlings, Herbert. Worlds, details, people, made up languages, all built in their minds and then put on paper. Directors to this extent as well. Except with Movie directors/film makers, I believe it’s more of them looking at the world through a certain ‘lens.’ Wes Anderson is good example of this. His movies are real world but with a vibrance. Almost childish pastel perspective to them. Henri Matisse is good example of this in Art. And Kandinsky who many early critics compared his work to that of a childs. Ralph Steadman as well, psychotic drawing style so consistent over the years that he must actually see the world this way to some extent. Maybe Dr. Seuss too. Are there people that see the world through the lens of near psychedelics, while stone cold sober?
A close friend of mine goes through life like this, I think. We don’t talk about it. And she’s probably unaware I analyze how she sees the world. But I do.
She seems to have intense, vivid mental landscape. Almost lost so far in her own world that she appears ‘dumb’ regardless her above average IQ. Or atleast, she’s well read, insightful on many topics. Not a boring lump. This, alone, is rare.
But it’s that borderline obliviousness that always intrigued me. Socially, a mess. Unable to pick up on hints. Doesn’t catch stuff between the lines.
I admire this personality build. if you’re built like this you should realize your strength. Move to the mountains, don’t talk to anyone, write a piece of life changing fiction. You have the gift of peace with yourself. Cherish!
Slave to the sense I’m currently chained to the traintracks looming outside my window. And the taste of a protein shake. Raw milk Chocolate protein powder, ice. I just destroyed my back in the gym. Finished with a sweaty jump rope session. I take my shoes off to scare anyone already in the studio. They’ll never be this free. But I’m sipping the get-big serum now. Lana’s Arcadia playing.
I see those traintracks everyday. Hear them every hour. Most would find this annoying. I’ve romanticized it. There are 5 tracks. 2 for passenger trains, one heading East, the other West. The other three are for Coal, freights, the graffitied type. I like to stand naked inside with my balcony door open for the people on the platform to see. Put a little flavor into their days. They get on, westbound towards the Appalachian’s. They imagine me. Stark white. Winter time fluorescent skin blaring naked at them. They spend an hour, at least, imagining this strange scene.
Many times I envy them. I wish to just walk to the station, get on, and ride the Tiger wherever it takes me. Romanticize this. Unfortunately I know the next stops. North towards DC, south towards Atlanta. I’d have to get 2 states away before seeing anything unusual or new. South Carolina, Virginia, Georgia, Tennessee, I know these places well.
This zaps some magic away. Maybe I’ll get on under the duress of drugs. That way when I come to I’ll be somewhere I don’t recognize. Or blindfold myself. That would really scare the crumbs. One day I’ll do it. Friend of mine speak highly of cross country train travel. Says it’s much like Europe. He’s never been to Europe. But I still sense the joy of train travel in his voice. Out of respect, and curiosity. I’ll buy a ticket sometime.
The good thing about being dependent on the external is tiptoeing that psychotic line of manipulating everything around you. You get to dance, wildly, influencing your micro world. Lighting, sound, taste, smells, people(for those ruthless enough to stay away from anyone that looks.. mmmmm?)
To wind this up. Wrapping it into a ribbon ended lesson: It’s derived from this, I get many messages about ‘style.’ Maybe I’ve given expression I have drip levels equal to government subsidized housing. I wouldn’t disagree. But this question misses the main concept of life: DO YOU.
My style, my life path, anything, may fit to you poorly on you. This is why I try not to give ‘pick up’ advice or ‘how to approach the opposite sex’
This life shit is unique and you’re the main character. Experiment, trial and error, I’m still tripping over past failures. Even with style. Even with women. Especially with morality and the big things that matter!
Have confidence in your next step because I promise in the Real World the Authentic thrive, not glass half full intimidators.
Much love
SOULED IDEA
WINSTON
EAST COAST FLOWSIEIDON
GLOBAL DISRUPTOR
