Dating App Victim

The Ghost of Dating past. Holding on to values of old while spreading terror for the modern practitioners.

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Celebrating The Funeral

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I was struck by lighting, walkin' down the street
I was hit by something last night in my sleep
It's a dead man's party, who could ask for more
Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door
Leave your body and soul at the door

Don't run away, it's only me
Only me, only me

Dreams are symbolic it is written thus it is true and I think the story of Daniel, dream interpreter, is one of the most undervalued books in the Bible.

2:22

“He reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him.”

and I follow this philosophy as well. Dreams should be cherished. Once I was sober, my dreams were in 5D. Nightmares of intense vividity, many real world insecurities roared their heads. Dreams of promising futures, many hopes for the days ahead showed themselves.

All this meaning every morning it is IMPORTANT to lay in bed in pure stillness. Catch some deep breaths. Lay in the silence and replay the dreams from last night. Let your memory fill the details.

And this morning I find myself doing just this. A silent room. My fan, loose in it’s hinges the only soundtrack to the dawn. I’m looking straight up taking deep breaths to a level that could, medically, be referred to as “hyperventilating” but I’m alone and not really worried about the social appearance. I’m getting ready for the day. Exploring my dreams. What was shown to me last night? Do this every morning. It’s stranger than the wildest fiction you can read.

After this is light prayer.

Then I decided to check my phone, specifically Tinder.

My tinder page is optimized by friends in San Fransisco working in the innovative dating-tech sphere. They’re aware of the best routes to increase interest. Picture angles, videos, social proof, what’s best to include and not include in bio etc. They also pinpoint an ‘Interest’ (I will not share the industry specific term) score determined by how many likes you get and further it knows how many likes the people that like you are getting.

For example, someone swipes right on you and that person get 10 likes a day vs someone else swiping right on you who gets 1 like every two days. A like from the first person ‘boost’ your page while a like from the second does nothing. It’s the hierarchical aspect of dating apps. My friends in San Francisco have codes that manipulate this number. All this to say there’s a lot of action on my Tinder. This is heightened because I swipe right on EVERYBODY. I NEVER swipe LEFT. NEVER. I AM DEVOUT RIGHT SWIPER. EVEN FAT CHICKS.

Which means every morning I wake up to 5-15 matches. Plus I live at the beach, near a college town and it’s just a good market for the sexually degenerate.

What I do next, after looking at the matches, is decide on two ‘victims.’

The criteria for this is private but, in the vein of truth and honesty with you, what I’m looking for are things like excess piercing, platinum died hair, the birth control body shape (explaining below) and certain rude attitudes. Like… uhhh… if they feel pretentious: “Looking for a man with XYZ. Must be XYZ, must have XYZ.” Weird shit like that, when someone turns dating apps into a job application.

I’m scouring the matches to find deserving victims. This ones pretty, this one looks sweet, this one, poor girl, I hope she finds love, until eventually I find the perfect culprits: Riddled in tattoos, one with something ‘anti male’ in her bio, the other with blue hair.

This is still early. I’ve only been up for a maximum of thirty minutes but already miniature social chaos is on my mind. 7:45am and I envision disorder. So I reach out. Quick to escalate. This is the way to go on these apps (if you’re really uhm.. using them to meet women which I uhhh.. brother.. sister.. don’t recommend…)

I reach out to set up ‘dates’ with the two girls. Different places downtown for a drink. I don’t even drink.

Then I get their response, cordinate another message or two and close the app for the day.

I’ve been doing this for weeks.

I’ve set up and ghosted on north of 60+ dates.

I’m hoping they’re so discouraged they delete the apps and return to good old fashion courting methods (Standing close to Man in deli shop until he say Hello. Asking cute human in bookstore if they’ve read this book.)

Things like this. Things small that add up. We are at war will convienence and the Vital have enough energy to move the pieces in the Ascending direction. At lunch I’m hiding Beyond Meat in dry sections in the grocery store to lower their stock. But still, it’s only 7:45am and that’s a mission for later.