Everyday High Jinks
Pepper in my pocket & I’m ready to disrupt civilization. The gang is heating up. Lesbian baristas.
READ SHARK EATS FAT MAN
“I tried Fancy Feast Petites Pate Wild Alaskan Salmon Entrée Wet Cat Food because of you and my penis grew 3inches. Thanks Winston!” - Jack L, Evansville, Illinois
Jack I’ve reached out to my attorney regarding a restraining order. Don’t message me again.
The night was dark, there was no moon above
I told my girl, yeah, this was a night for love
So we went parkin', yeah, and the night was just right
When someone grabbed me and I knew I was in a fight
Glancing down, tucking her hair, "Trying something new today?" She asks through a sheepish smirk.
I've just ordered a Salted Carmel Cold Brew with whole milk and cinnamon. I was, uncharacteristically, embarrassed to do so. It was supposed to include almond milk but I made the executive decision to change this.
Trying to take the heat off the order, and test out the baristas feelings towards me:
"It's for a lady friend." Which is true.
"Oh" murmured as the smirk disappears.
I, an empath, detect disappointment.
Even though she's a 4 I've been flirting with her for the last couple weeks as I order the go-to: double espresso with honey and medium dark roast with two honeys.
On day two or three of this love affair she briefly mentioned having a girlfriend. This is when I cranked the charm to 10. Oozing charisma, pointed attention, subtle touching of fingertips. The usual.
I'm seeing if she'll question her sexuality. "Am I attracted to men?" "I want to kiss this guy?" "I want to be impregnated?”
I leave with a cheerful, optimistic attitude. Floating. Feeling motivated by her now depressed mood. It's a good day in the neighborhood to cause trouble:
The Gang hit shoulders and had an hour of target practice, now at the beach for open ocean swims. Sunning while waiting for me to give the blueprints for tonight's mission.
Marias cat is heavily sedated by the Klonopin I crushed and put into it's late night tuna feast. I'll have to deal with an interrogation from the Creature tonight but I ignore this. I haven't explicitly asked but no one else has really reassured me they see the same version of the cat I do. I believe it is a master of deception.
A problem for later.
I'm picking up pounds of mangos and beef liver to take to the beach. You can, if primal enough, wrap the beef liver inside washed up seaweed. My mood is still electric. I grab a Celsius, why not?
In my periphery I see a horrible sight! Masks! Two white woman still clothed up! Our small beach side community is largely brave, based, and unconcerned with this nonsense but still I see this a couple times a week.
It's why I never leave without my emergency pocket sized sack of table pepper.
I walk their direction, intentionally too close to build some tension between us. I have a menacing look. Not only because of them but because I also saw a fat person buying Diet Soda. Real proactive.
Closer now, I pull out the pepper and sticking my nose deep into I take a full inhale. Just like you do with cocaine at champagne party surrounded by women with skeleton physiques and men with eyelidless eyes, chattering teeth.
The pepper causes a disruptive series of sneezes! I can't stop! I sneeze left on her shoulder. I sneeze right on all the produce. I sneeze downwards, spraying her mom jeans, I sneeze upwards so that it'll fall back down on top of crispy hair styled in bob-cut fashion.
"HEY! STOP THAT!"
I can't stop! I don't say words but they can tell it's not ending. I've unleashed terror. Germs so thick you can now see them with the naked eye.
"WE'RE GOING TO CALL SECURITY! SHERILL! CALL THE cOPS!"
This is not very Live Laugh Love of them :(
I throw the pepper in the air and disappear in its cloud.
Much love,
WINSTON
SOULED IDEA
CIVIL DISRUPTOR
GANG LEADER
>>> GET MY FIRST BOOK HERE <<<
THE FBI HAS REACHED OUT ABOUT MY USE OF THE TERM "GANG" AND THE IMAGINARY BUILDING OF ONE. THIS IS PSA TO ALL MEMBERS TO NOT SPEAK IF REACHED OUT TO. MY ATTORNEY WILL GET IN CONTACT WITH YOU SOON.
