Officer, It’s a full moon!
Lunacy, the world getting a little wilder, a run in with Thy Law.
Celebrating The Funeral will be shipped Friday - Gets yours here.
Dreamin' like it's 1984, dancing like the Talking Heads
Last-call 40s at the corner store to take to bed
Tell me that you need me on the floor, passed out in your dirty clothes
Ask me what the hell I'm lookin' for like you don't know
Ok I’m NOT taking my shoes off in the sauna today because yesterday I heard someone whisper about the abnormal length of my toenails under their breath and while they weren’t blunt with the insults it created an untrustworthy aura about the steamy confinement and this was bad vibes for everybody.
Tonight’s a full moon. We know what this means: LUNAcy, LUNAtics - nights with a full moon have the highest crime rates across the board. What is this? I believe the lunar tides, the moons relationship with liquid, especially the Ocean, pull at the blood in a persons body, creating a once a month, intense metaphysical assault on the body.
Nonetheless. I love full moons and look forward to today every month. You can feel the crazy in the air. I’m a son of the moon, I was born at night. So it goes…
& so following our laid out environment: one of craze, lunacy, oddities we must stack on todays events.
Espresso. Raw honey. The usual. Going to the gym for morning sprints. Get the blood flowing. I’m tunnel visioned. The gym is 5.5 minutes from my front door if I go 46mph the whole time.
Today I was going 42, without thinking, when I pass a school zone and see the blue lights flashing behind me.
There may be a prostitute in the car, or 20 kilos of Colombian bambam. Or a gun. Yes the .38 was under the seat but I don’t have a license and it’s best to not mention this to “Officer Brendon”
enter your email. 2. egg the police station.
He strolls to the door with the confidence of a man in power. And he is. We talk of this in A NORMAL WEDNESDAY.
Cops need to know they have the power.
This guy was stationed outside an elementary school, lurking. And so he may be a mall cop but still, take him serious, deep exhale and be cool there’s not an illegal gun or a body in the trunk or a hit list of local pedophiles in the visor.
“What’s the speed limit?” He asks. It’s his first question, the first time I hear his voice. I like the intro. Room to escape.
“Honestly sir I’m not sure. What is it?”
“25. You know how fast you were going?”
“Honestly sir I’m not sure. What was it?”
Now what I’m doing is playing to his authority. Let him explain the speed limit, let him show his expertise at using a speed gun and let him express the result of that expertise by explaining the speed of my car.
“42. That’s 17 over…” and he looks at me from the side of his eye. Expecting me to cry.
I don’t. Yet.
“And we’re in a school zone.”
My hand is firm around a piece of paper but my eyes are loose and falling to the floor. I’m disappointed is myself to have broken then law.
That’s so unlike me.
Damn. Officer. I’m genuinely sorry.
“What’s that there, your registration?”
It is and I open it with hands that shake, an intentional motor function to let him know I’m 0 threat. No gun here no. No dead body no.
“Yea it is here you go.”
“Where’s you Id” and his eyebrows lift with his curiosity.
“Oh man. I hate this officer. I’m only going to the gym so left my wallet at the house. I’m sorry about that” and I am because when I left I thought to grab it and then thought no travel light.
“You’re going to the gym in chuck taylors?”
Who the fuck calls them chuck Taylor’s?
“Yeah” I laugh, some camaraderie after he smiled at his excellent observation of my shoewear, “I’m only doing sprints and take them off anyways.”
I have a picture of my Id on my phone and show him. This is a relationship building moment. I can tell he’s Happy.
“Have any priors?”
Nooo… but I hesitate and he catches it “anything? Maybe that one time…?”
“Hahaha no, I’ve gone through checkpoints but that’s my only run on with the law”
This is a lie. Police officers are attracted to me. I’m their antithesis. I respect them and they respect me. Without each the other wouldn’t exist. They’re the yin to my yang.
“Just a checkpoint stop?”
“Yeah they’re common in my area”
“And that’s ________, NC right? How’s the drag strip up there?”
I don’t know what he’s talking about. “Still the same old same old, you’re familiar with the area?”
“Some, had a high school friend move there a few years back.”
This is checkmate. I’ve cut the hook from my mouth with humility and an air of humble.
“I’ll be right back let me run this.”
I sit in the front seat and play The Doors five to one at low volume because the song is about revolutions and I can’t have him think he should ‘teach me a lesson’
He heavy foots to me, a sly smile of someone in complete control.
“Here man, thanks for pulling over with hazards, have your papers ready, even tho no ID! And thanks for being polite.” And he says this while handing me a warning for 42 in a 25 school zone.
My guardian Angel is in the gym everyday. He’s strong enough to free me from this stuff.
“Thank you sir, man thank you.”
“It’s okay, just slow down.”
And I drive away thinking I’ll never slow down. I got to the light 150 yards away and was pushing 40.
We’ll never learn.
Then I sprinted on wet turf and broke my big toe and I laid in the ground laughing like a maniac while my toe is screaming for attention.
Lunacy.
MUCH LOVE,
WINSTON
SOULED IDEA
COP RESPECTER
JOEL OLSTEEN DISRESPECTER
