Dec29 2021
Theme: Purpose, Role Models, What Do You Care About?
Words: 826
Read Time: Depends on how stupid you are
Do you feel that itch too? That scratch for a dopamine hit? Turning your nose up at everything that doesn’t bring about a drop of Feel Good. Maybe through years of overstimulation i’ve burned the receptors to enjoy the simple pleasures. But the how-did-we-get-here doesn’t matter when here.
What’s the dilapidated definition of Joy that we have today? The more I look at it or seek it, the less I feel it’s the right direction of energy.
As in the default isn’t to be bright and starry eyed. It’s street level.
Not gutter. Thats when you flirt with existentialism Nihilism, “what’s the point” a true darkness that I empathize with if you’re at that part of your journey.
That’s not the end though. Hopefully you don’t end face down in the gutter with acidic rain dropping on you from pigeon shitting perches in our decaying urban oasis. How pathetic, to roll over and chose death.
Some Men I studied did this. I was always attracted to the total commitment to self destruction. Almost like they wanted nothing more to Die and be taking from this Earthly prison. But God made them wait until their 60’s or 70’s.
The kind of Humor only our all Powerful Deity has the time for.
There’s always some truth in who you see yourself in. Who you’d call personal ‘role models.’ It can even be said that your own ambitions can be extrapolated from looking at the characteristics of your self proclaimed role model. I made this up. But why would you idolize someone you didn’t (a piece of you) want to imitate?
This said, and in traditional contradictory fashion - Kill your Human idols. All are fallible. None live up to God. N0 Exceptions, respect them but don’t Worship them.
A vulnerable share because what’s narcissim without personal input? Role models I respect are muhammad ali Jesus Hunter S Thompson and Jim Morrison. I’ve been able to understand that they All Stood For Something, even in the face of deep adversity such as
losing his World-reigning athletic career,
his life, combatting the Powers that facilitated(re. sped up) the end of the American Century,
his life against the Pharisees and preachers of the Old Law,
or simply moppy headed Morrison who used his energy to slap the face of his assumed oppressors (re. society in the 60s) much the way Kerouac did a decade earlier.
But back to the meat.
Neither Dying in the gutter, or with your head licking cloud 9 is admirable. Almost disgusting and pathetic, Like a king who watches the court Jester piss himself just to laugh, or like the Jester himself. Too comfortable on the throne or too comfortable being laughed at, humiliated, guttered. Both gross.
The older I get the magic seems to be in having the eyes forward, Heart on your sleeve approach. Not in an anxiety ridden ‘what’s next’ form of striving (Being able to discern this is important)
Think fighting for something. Working towards Something. Willing to go down in flame because of a Belief.
Do you understand this?
I Pray this doesn’t sound cliche but i hope you experience a feeling similar to fire inside you burning to get out. It’ll be prefaced by a deep rooted sickness. Almost like you need to vomit. I wish this were less literal and more metaphorical in a flowery prose way but no, the truth is you will feel Sick. You’ll be sick at yourself for the lack of action paired with having the capabilities for action. This is nothing but Laziness and for a Man with Fire in his spirit, you’ll feel this repulsion after realizing.
so what do you Care about? what keeps you up until Dawn with hardly no sleep? what are YOU building? Would you die for something? I ask myself this and i like to say yes but until the knife is pressed to my throat I won’t know for sure.
This is what I RESPECT about a close friend.
Believer in Christ and God Almighty, traveling to countries that would kill u for breathing His name. Maybe he feels fear, i imagine he does, but what choice does he have?
This friend feels so passionately about something, he BELIEVES so deeply that he’s willing to go through torture, starvation, death because of what? In my eyes nothing more than personal conviction. A true belief that death isn’t the End.
Who you should fear the most? Those clinging to life. Atheists or people with no belief in what’s after, no moral judgement, no hierarchy (and before i get prosecuted for this, there are Kingdoms in heaven. U think you get treated the same as a man who underwent 35 years of torture but stayed faithful to God? That’s as naive as trusting Darwin.)
Everything is judgement. Judgement day is nothing more than a commutative tally mark for the Judgements you make and act on daily. What do you say yes, no, maybe to? How did you live your 24hrs. EVERYONE OF THEM.
This is where your ‘happiness’ or ‘despair’ would be better positioned. On a pursuit towards something meaningful. Something that if you pull it off will change the trajectory of -atleast- your world. Take this as a rally cry to Care about something personal to You.
Build something you want built
Start something you want started
or….
Tear down something that you want tore down
End something you want ended.
If anything this is a reminder outloud to myself. A reflection of sorts.. but alteast with a mirror I can see the look in my eyes, flare in my nostrils, the clinched jaw muscle .5” under my earlob.
On paper I have nothing but the scribbling of former me. The ideas and thoughts of a younger Man. I want to look back and, even if while shaking my head in embarassment, be able to say that i Fought for something.
Revelation 3:15-16 - I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
until next tiem,
Winston
Souled Idea
Underground Preacher
Traphouse Poet
Back Alley Philosopher
